I hope mine doesn't look like that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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