It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He shit in the fireplace
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
