Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
