I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.