Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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