Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!