My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.