Texts From Last Night

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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

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  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (3303) Bad night (698)
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  (619): View more from California

  DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

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  (619): DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES http://tfl.nu/9dpy
  Replies (23) Good night (4998) Bad night (564)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (7184) Bad night (948)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.

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  (870): Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships. http://tfl.nu/i0ve
  Replies (18) Good night (1285) Bad night (3285)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.

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  (309): He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are. http://tfl.nu/35z0
  Replies (4) Good night (920) Bad night (1456)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?

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  (504): I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game? http://tfl.nu/ymnf
  Replies (7) Good night (1067) Bad night (498)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

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  (+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84
  Replies (21) Good night (1899) Bad night (510)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with

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  (518): You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with http://tfl.nu/vbdb
  Replies (5) Good night (1960) Bad night (377)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs

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  (330): If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs http://tfl.nu/drl4
  Replies (2) Good night (1375) Bad night (263)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.

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  (701): Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead. http://tfl.nu/7ubq
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (199)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"

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  (306): you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me" http://tfl.nu/gvp7
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (311)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"

  (703): View more from Virginia

  LET IT GO MOM

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  (703): Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection" (703): LET IT GO MOM http://tfl.nu/pq96
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.

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  (256): I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night. http://tfl.nu/dalv
  Replies (0) Good night (441) Bad night (207)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps

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  (203): You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps http://tfl.nu/59la
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (242)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.

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  (501): His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/o5lz
  Replies (15) Good night (1240) Bad night (212)

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