that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.