Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.

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  (206): Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend. http://tfl.nu/38e6
  Replies (2) Good night (2073) Bad night (606)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.

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  (717): so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine. http://tfl.nu/pias
  Replies (11) Good night (4680) Bad night (760)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

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  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6734) Bad night (847)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.

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  (304): She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/p490
  Replies (30) Good night (5501) Bad night (1346)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

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  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (1210) Bad night (4600)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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  (606): Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now. http://tfl.nu/sgsy
  Replies (12) Good night (2149) Bad night (1315)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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  (615): I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/xkmh
  Replies (1) Good night (1839) Bad night (895)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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  (360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming
  Replies (5) Good night (1934) Bad night (642)
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  (949): View more from California

  Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.

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  (949): Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude. http://tfl.nu/kuta
  Replies (6) Good night (2163) Bad night (672)
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  (949): View more from California

  I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?

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  (949): I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right? http://tfl.nu/15sn
  Replies (11) Good night (1839) Bad night (734)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.

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  (914): I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol. http://tfl.nu/zw06
  Replies (11) Good night (2089) Bad night (517)
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  (916): View more from California

  I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?

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  (916): I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die? http://tfl.nu/yj8c
  Replies (11) Good night (1382) Bad night (407)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.

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  (303): I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list. http://tfl.nu/udqv
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (380)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!

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  (281): She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave! http://tfl.nu/tzuo
  Replies (12) Good night (907) Bad night (516)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.

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  (720): Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun. http://tfl.nu/f4wi
  Replies (4) Good night (911) Bad night (380)

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