But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?