there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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