Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
