that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
