I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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