I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
