So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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