Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
