there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
