i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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