how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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