We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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