OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
