He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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