I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
