I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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