I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
