I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
