You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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