I just made out with a guy for $7.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
