69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I look better un-naked...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
