The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
