I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need water and some morals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
