I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
