i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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