I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
