I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
