What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
