I just threw up on my dentist
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
