plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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