i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
