dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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