or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
