sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?