my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
3pm strippers are depressing
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."