the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
