They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
