So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
