I think I died a long time ago.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
