You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
