i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
