Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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