how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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