im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
