Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
