I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
