You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
