does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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