i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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