ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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