I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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