these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
did you just send me my own nude
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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