How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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