sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
