Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
True strength comes from lack of pants
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
