You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
