He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
