Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven