ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell