i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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