no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
