woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
