it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
