i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
