Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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