come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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