Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
