You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
