dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
