Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize