is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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