Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
