Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
